About Me

 I believe it’s possible for anyone to completely overcome anxiety and heal from trauma if they are given the right strategy. 

Jordan hardgrave

Certified Trauma Support Specialist

I would love to help you overcome your struggles with anxiety and trauma. I’m a husband, father, Amazon Best-Selling author, Youtuber, online course creator, blogger, and am a certified Trauma Support Specialist. I am also an NLP Master Practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming), and have certifications in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). 

My Approach & Values

 

  • People Over Everything

I struggled with general anxiety for over ten years, constant panic attacks for over two years, Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder for over two years, and severe PTSD for over 6 years. Because of that, I know what people are struggling with in very deep ways that only someone that has been through it would understand. This allows me to have incredible passion to help people when many people they’ve met have judged or misunderstood them. I always try to remember how I felt when I was in their position and invest the time to see them find healing, peace and connection once again.

  • You Are a Powerful Person

I believe each of us have the power to overcome anxiety as well as trauma if we are willing to gain a new understanding of what’s happening, as well as a new response to our symptoms. As soon as we adopt a victim mentality we fail to see the incredible potential within us to transform our lives for the better. I constantly call attention to this reality in people and call people to engage with responsibly, courage, and effort in order for them to overcome their current struggles.

  • Love Supersedes Differences

Regardless of someone’s age, gender, race, social status, background, or many of the other things that often divide us, I believe all people have intrinsic value given to them by their Creator and thus deserve to be loved and respected. I always try to walk in love towards all people even when people don’t treat me the same.

 

My story of overcoming anxiety & trauma 

 

I would love to say that it happened over night, but the truth is it took years of trial error for me to discover what I know today. Thankfully, you don’t have to go through the pain and suffering I experienced if you are willing to learn from my mistakes. When I experienced my first panic attack back in 2008 after a bad experience with marijuana, I had never been so scared in my entire life. My heart started pounding out of my chest and I was convinced that I was having a heart attack.

Because I believed I that was going to die, my nervous system began to prepare me for my death even though I was perfectly safe. This included the bizarre feelings of Depersonalization (a feeling of detachment from the body) and Derealization (a feeling of detachment from the material world).

Because I also did not understand the purpose of these feelings, they made me even more afraid although the benefit of feeling DPDR was that I took the focus off my pounding heart. This led to over a year of having 10-20 panic attacks a day and feeling constantly detached from my body and the world 24/7. It didn’t take long to embrace the beliefs that I was going crazy, that my life was over, and that I would end up in a mental institution. I mean, why else would I be feeling all of these things unless I had lost my mind?

Finally, I managed to work up the courage to tell my Dad about what I was experiencing, and thankfully he notified me that I was experiencing panic attacks, that “nobody has ever died from a panic attack”, and these symptoms were uncomfortable, but not dangerous. This was the beginning of my road to recovery but the journey doesn’t end there. I found some information online about how to end panic attacks by inviting my symptoms to manifest and demanding them to increase for thirty seconds. This took a lot of courage, but I screamed out at my panic attack symptoms, “If you are going to kill me, just let it happen! If my heart is going to stop, let it stop!”. For a moment I felt a surge of fear, as if my greatest fears were about to suddenly be realized. However, to my amazement, I felt myself become completely calm and I began to burst out in laughter. I remember going outside and mowing the grass that day and jumping up and down in the yard because this was the first time I didn’t go into a panic attack after thirty minutes. I felt like I got my life back and thankfully, Depersonalization and Derealization seemed to go away for a while as well.

Then about a year later I moved away to a college town and took a job working at a call center where I was making fairly good money. However, it was not long before I was partying and quickly felt the emptiness of being surrounded by people who only wanted to connect with me for what I could do for them. I also was running from God and began to feel severe anxiety, panic, and depersonalization all over again. One time in particular I was sitting at my brother’s apartment and all of a sudden I got hit with a huge panic attack that was so severe I ran out of his house and started pacing back and forth in the parking lot. I called my Dad and told him, “Dad, I’m being attacked my a demon!”. I grew up in a very religious environment and everything bad that happened was either a demon or Satan himself. My Dad, being the super calm guy that he is, assured me that it was just another panic attack and I began to calm for a few moments. However, it seemed my anxiety and panic only escalated as time went by. At one point I was eating a sandwich at Jimmy John’s and felt like my tongue was disconnected from my body, and also felt a strange detachment from my entire head. This was one of the most embarrassing things I had ever experienced. There I was, a grown man and so anxious and depersonalized that I couldn’t even finish a freaking sandwich. Another eye-opening moment for me in regards to just how anxious and overwhelmed I was, was when I started to take seven or more baths a day in my apartment just so I could feel calm. A bath was the only thing that calmed my anxious state and I pretty much lived in hot water for several months. Then one night one of the most bizarre occurrences I’ve ever experienced happened. I started to stare at my mattress octagon stitching and realized that it was moving on it’s own! As I stared I felt as if the octagon stitching was turning in circles right before my eyes. To me, this could only be for one reason which is now embarrassing to think about. I believed some sort of monster must be living on the inside of my mattress. This fear became so severe that for months I slept on the futon in my living room, and I refused to even go in that bedroom and kept the door closed at all times. Finally, I decided enough was enough and I just had to see what was inside my mattress. I grabbed a steak knife and slowly approached the mattress. I cut open the side of the mattress (which were very expensive mattresses my mom got for me). It seems crazy now, but at the time I felt getting closure about the monster inside my bed has to be worth it. I braced myself for a fight and peaked inside the mattress. All the way at the other side on the inside was a piece of foam that I believed look just like an alien. I instantly went into a severe panic attack and ran outside of my apartment at 3AM in the morning in my underwear. I sat on the grassy hill about thirty feet away gasping for air. I decided that I couldn’t remain outside so I went back inside to check the bed. That’s when I realized it was just foam and I began sleeping in my room again. However, the anxiety and panic continued. I developed severe heart palpitations due to always being in either a stressful state, fight or flight state, or traumatized state. And because of that I convinced myself I had some sort of heart issue and developed a heart beat phobia which only made my palpitations more uncomfortable. One night, I got so tired of the palpitations that I got online and searched for a cure. I landed on an ebook that taught a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and was written by someone who experienced heart palpitations for thirty years prior to using EFT. I called the number on the website and remarkably the guy answered and walked me through the technique. I was very skeptical, but the technique worked. For the first time in a long time I could finally go to sleep without my heart pounding out of my chest. I didn’t know why it worked, but I was just happy that it did work. It has now been scientifically proven that EFT sends a peaceful signal to our amygdala which is the part of our brain that controls whether we’re  experiencing rest or stress.

Then my time away from home finally came to end when I was at a movie theatre watching a very bizarre Tim Burton film and had a full blown panic attack and ran out of the theatre. I called my mom and she said, “Jordan, it’s time for you to come home”. By the grace of God, I was able to get out of my freshly signed apartment lease and head back home to begin my journey of healing. However, while I did find healing in many ways now that I was away from the constant turmoil of a college town and being away from my support system, in many ways that’s when things started to get worse in regards to trauma.

I will keep a long story short, but over the next six years leading up to a few years ago, I experienced the most severe trauma a person can experience from religious people and leaders, as well as bullies. I connected with several different churches and what I found was mostly judgement, bullying, manipulation, hatred, and severe trauma. I was severely bullied at church, and at work. One situation in particular was so severe that after I left a ministry, the leaders turned on me and one spent nearly thirty full minutes screaming at me with every possible worse-curse you could imagine. This was right at the start of my marriage and because I didn’t know what trauma was, didn’t know how to stand up for myself, it led to over five years of severe PTSD including a full year of constantly feeling Depersonalization and Derealization as well as severe anxiety. What started the DPDR the second time was a few years ago when I had just written a book and started to fear that it wouldn’t be a succeed and suddenly started feeling DPDR as well as severe stress. Little did I know the book fears were just the tip of the ice berg. I was walking around full of unprocessed trauma, a victim mentality, avoidance behaviors, and a lack of coping mechanisms for the severe bullying that was taking place at work.

I frantically searched the internet for anyone who could help me overcome my struggles and even bought a manual that was supposed to cure DPDR disorder. It didn’t work. In fact, most of what I found was conspiracy theories about DPDR and people just sharing how uncomfortable the feelings are. I decided that enough was enough, and I was going to figure out how to recover for myself. I also developed extreme fears that I had a disease or a serious mental health issue, and also tried to fight the feelings only making me more overwhelmed.

It took over a year, but I finally discovered that DPDR are trauma-coping mechanisms and manifest when stress develops into psychological trauma. That’s the point when we are overwhelmed beyond our ability to cope.

This finally made sense as to why I seemed to feel DPDR so severely at times, while other times it seemed to go away for a while. I was constantly going from being stressed, to being overwhelmed. I then developed a strategy to make sure that I embraced the feelings instead of fight them, as well as began to develop coping mechanisms for the many stressors in my life. Suddenly, I began to not only experience relief from DPDR, but also began to see my anxiety levels lower as well. I also began to be much more confident in myself and began pursuing dreams I once thought were impossible. I decided to share a few of my tips for recovering from DPDR disorder and before I knew it, I was getting comments from all around the world of how I was the first person they had ever heard explain what they were feeling and how to recover. After getting constant requests for a full guide on how to recover from DPDR, I decided to make my own online course which has “The Ten Pillars of DPDR Recovery”. I also got many requests to provide men’s life coaching so I also began that.

There is much more to my story but that is it in a nut-shell. I now spend most of my time getting to help people overcome what they think is impossible to overcome and it’s one of the most rewarding things I have ever gotten to do. I now invest many hours each day researching the best ways to overcome anxiety and trauma and am always growing.